He is Big Enough!

Well this week has definitely stretched me beyond my means. I realize now that I have been holding onto certain ideals and expectations of God that I had no understanding of or even comprehended the magnitude of their existence. As I ponder all the scenarios that I have laid at Christ’s feet in surrenderence, I SEE there are few that I hold willingly in my grasp.

As I have grown in my faith, I understand that God is pushing me to move past certain reactions and tendencies that have been my “safety measures” against being hurt. It is when my heart is exposed to being let down that the vulnerability of my expectations crowd out all sense of judgment that I know defines a Christ follower. It is in those instances that I react as the “old” me instead of the “new” me. I then proceed to typically distance myself both emotionally and physically from the situation (which could be perceived as running). It, however, is not out of anger or frustration (at least that’s what I tell myself) that I place a water bank between the situation and myself but out of fear of continuing the negative reaction. So what is girl to do? I read His Word daily, have constant prayer, and strive to be the person God wants me to be and yet fail miserably at every attempt.

I have slowly relinquished these silent expectations to God aloud this week, I SEE that by exposing the deep issues, He is forcing me to deal with them. It is my natural desire to run when the going gets tough. Just because my loyalties and love never change in the relationship, the absence of communication shapes and distorts it in similar and destructive ways.

So I sit here looking inward and ask God to help me look at the greatest fears I have and to give me strength to push through the “what ifs”. What if my oldest feels rejected and unloved despite my very best efforts? What if those I depend on most reject the One I hold highest? What if I make a bigger mess out of every situation I enter into? What if my motives are misunderstood and I fail to show love in the way my heart was designed to? What if I lay everything on the line and it is still not good enough, will I be able to stand afterwards or will it completely destroy me?

God answers me by asking “What if? ”. What if any or all those things happen? If they do, I will be there to catch you. I will be there to embrace your suffering. I will be there to fulfill all the areas that you unknowingly look to others to fulfill and in return they will be free to supply your overflow.

Then I asked, “How can I be trusted to not react when I do so easily even against my efforts not to?” His answer to me is, “continue to move forward and if you take a step back, we will deal with that process together. Be obedient in the areas I have shown you and you will persevere through this time without truly realizing the growth you are making within.”

While I rest in His presence to help me walk and grow through this season, I look ahead and draw strength on His promises that help me endure:

SEE! The winter is past;
The rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
The season of singing has come.
–Song of Songs 2:11-12

Can We Praise God While We Are Facing a Fire?

I have recently struggled with the idea that God places obstacles in our path. I heard a woman say that she didn’t believe that God chose her to walk her particular journey but that she would choose God to go with her. While I understand her frame of mind at this point in her life, I cannot say that I 100% agree with her. I do believe that everything we walk through has to be sifted through the hands of Christ and if it isn’t going to unfold to ultimately bring glory to Him in the end, it will be banished from our journey. That is not to say He is the author of evil events, but that they have to come under His authority before they are allowed to penetrate our reality. We live in a fallen world and the consequence to that is that we encounter evil but God promises that everything will be used for good for those who love Him. There are no exceptions to that promise!

However, I have been under the assumption that God was just going to “fix” my issues if I lay them at His feet. But I forgot to take into consideration the process of Him doing so. I can literally see the parallel between maturing in my faith and the heat in the “fire” being turned up. The same fire that intensifies my isolation and demands more from me then I am capable of giving. The red-hot flames in my life that has drawn me to my knees to seek strength far beyond my own. I now realize that God is using this fire as a spiritual flashlight to illuminate some strongholds in my life that I didn’t even know where there. Although this very same fire could be put out with one Word from His breath it ultimately remains to serve a purpose. What if that purpose is to expose areas that the world deems acceptable but thankfully He sees as an obstacle needing to be torn down? What if I where to sit in the fire and ask for sight to be given instead of praying that He pull me out?

So where does that leave me in this process? Do I just accept things as they are and remain content in the situation? Perhaps six months ago as I hashed this out I would have said yes but now I say not quite. I say that I trust my God to fulfill all His promises in healing, wholeness, and deep soul satisfaction. I would say that I continue to pray victoriously in this matter as it relates to the future as well as strength to endure in the present. I would lay down all my expectations on how I see the situation unfolding and trust in His way. He is the only absolute in my life. I have had to offer up everything else as a sacrifice and believe that as I give up control, I gain peace, wisdom, and understanding where it is needed in this moment.

Diving Into the Unending Wells of His Word

I have been confronted by many ideas lately that contradict the importance of opening up God’s Word everyday. Everybody seems to have his or her own ideals of what is proper, true, or expected. It comes from either what they’ve been taught or from personal experience. I have been pushed to go to the one place that never fails to offer unchanging truth and it says that nothing can substitute the intimacy and wisdom that God freely gives when we come to Him through His living and breathing passages.

This powerful weapon not only protects, guides, and sustains us during the natural grind we all face while living on this side of eternity but it opens our heart to be connected to His presence on a level that cannot be achieved elsewhere. Prayer, fellowship, service, and faith are all important to a Christ follower’s life but without intentionally seeking His presence through His written Word, we are leaving ourselves vulnerable to other sources that seek our attention. I am often reminded of the life and loss of Solomon. God shows us that one can love Him with the greatest wisdom there is to have, yet still be lured away if we allow our hearts to lead.

This aspect in no way diminishes the reality of the Holy Spirit or the participation He plays in our life. In fact, the relationship between the Father, Son, and Spirit is truly seen and understood when we surrender and mature in God’s Truth that is gained from His Word. Only then will we recognize what God is doing in our life and the ever-growing false translations that slowly sneak into our everyday interactions.

It is the pride of man that cooperates with these tiny notions that yearn to be significant on our own that start to believe we are more then we are. It is a humble heart that is aware of our unworthiness that embraces the grace that Christ’s sacrifice did to make us significant. It is through a DAILY portion of God’s Word that keeps the second idea described from overtaking the first.

Looking at the Rippling Reflection in My Waters

Today while walking I thought a lot about my child. I tried to see the world through his eyes and wondered why he is so intent on not seeing the bigger picture. He appears to be running away from the lessons I thought I poured into him. I often catch myself saying, “A little bit of honey goes along way” cause I want him to understand that not everything has to be a battle of the wills. Sometimes there is an easier way and I know that patience and love works faster then arguing and trying to manipulate the situation. Even if one is right, it is often counterproductive to be abrasive when trying to get a point across.

Then God gracefully reminded me of myself at that age (and perhaps even now at times). I was very strong headed, opinionated, and could have been considered a bit rebellious. In fact, if I saw a trend go one way, I made the choice to go the exact opposite. Do you remember the band New Kids on the Block? Well, I distinctly made the decision that I wasn’t going to like them solely cause everyone else did. I was bound and determined to be different. I will not dissect the theories behind that defense but I will say that God knew my heart even then. He knew my ability to not be sucked into the culture as my peers defined it. Even if my motive was wrong at the time, He took that rebel in me, softened it up, and gave me a passion that could be used only for Him. I still struggle with how I am perceived and question whether I can be “the light” He calls us to be, but I have proclaimed Jeremiah 17:14 and rest in His promises to transform me. That determined spirit has been handed over to the One who has shown to be worthy of my trust and obedience to His will is overtaken mine.

Now my point is, if you have someone in your life that seems to be pushing the envelope in ways that doesn’t exactly make sense to you, please don’t loose hope. They may try to act like they don’t need, appreciate, or care what you think but I assure you it is only coming from a perspective that hasn’t fully matured yet. Their understanding of their position is so narrow that it’s like they have tunnel vision. They can only see the happenings of what is going on inside their perimeter therefore making it difficult to navigate within yours. My only real recommendation is to lift them up in prayer. I have no doubt that my mother’s continued prayer for my heart is what made the difference in my life. Never second-guess that power.

Wide Open Spaces

Romans 5:20 says “The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

At first glance this scripture might be misunderstood to explain away sin because Christ freely offers grace to overcome it all. However, it should be looked at like a stepping-stone to understand that grace is offered to everyone, without reservation. There are many people who feel that they are not worthy of a personal relationship with God because of the things they have done or things they are currently doing. This scripture clearly states that no one is capable of keeping the law and in fact that was the reason it was created. It showed that we are all sinful by nature and separated from God. It is only through Jesus Christ was our debt paid and the veil which separated us torn down.

However, once we encounter God’s unyielding grace, we should be prompted to seek His glory to a greater depth. This can only happen when we intentionally dig deep into His presence and obey without hesitation. This has often been difficult for me in situations that conflict with my pride.

When hurt, misunderstood, or judged, I tend to react on emotion. Even if its God that I think I am standing up for, I feel it’s my responsibility to set the record straight. This has been increasingly clear in my more intimate relationships and I am often confused where my loyalties should stand out in such cases. But if I looked closer to the evidence of how my reaction is portrayed, I am confident that God would want me to take a more subtle approach. There are some times when we may be prompted to run from relationships that continually cause us to sin, but other times, He ask us to stay put and be weary of our own heart in relation to it. Perhaps we can grow from those particular encounters by trusting God to reveal Himself through us to them in due time. Perhaps it is not about them at all but about teaching us to push through any resentment to find forgiveness and strength in Him alone. Perhaps we’ll never know or understand the true value in continuing that relationship other then knowing that obedience to God is key to our refining process.

I have to have faith in knowing that God is bigger then my pride and that the reward, which awaits me on the other side of this obedience, is well worth the hit to it. I also acknowledge the fact that the unending power to calm the raging seas will come to my rescue to calm my raging heart when I surrender them over to Him. It is up to me to allow Him the space to fill in those gaps that resonate in my nature and it is up to Him to figure out the process to do so. I may not always see or understand the path at which He chooses but I trust Him because of my narrow perspective.

Screaming to be Heard, but Scared Someone Might Listen

I sit here at the computer with shaking hands and tear streaked checks pleading with God to choose someone else to be the martyr for this generation. The pain that accompanies such vision feels almost unbearable at times.

If I back up just a bit, I can explain where this waterfall of emotion started. I went to a class that is based on parenting issues and we were asked to describe our children in one word. WOW, was that a hard thing to do…and most people could not. Many felt the need to explain and describe in detail why they thought that word fit their offspring (especially if it was negative). But one word stuck out to me. No matter how much additional things I try to think about, it keeps creeping into my line of sight. It was the concept of “entitlement”. A woman spoke it about her older teenager’s personality and many parents in the room shook their head in agreement when she approached this subject.

Immediately, I secretly became very defensive and almost judgmental. That particular word has been used very often in my personal battles with others in my life and I feel that a misunderstanding in guaranteed when such presumptions are made. The idea is that this generation’s motivation is based on a sense that they are owed something. But I do not view them with that perspective and if there are times when that feeling erupts, then perhaps it is fully justified.

Look at the world around. Look at the varying degrees in morals they are taught. The media, billboards, sitcoms…that alone will confuse the expectations of anyone who is trying to figure out who they are. But then add the conflicting messages that we, as influential adults, add into their personal world. We say, “be honest”, yet it is typical to cheat on taxes or download a friend’s CD. We say, “be careful what you put into your mind” yet we watch things like Desperate Housewives, How I met your Mother, and Hangover. We say, “say no to drugs”, yet we pop a pill for every kind of issue and have a beer in most social outings. We say, “don’t have sex”, yet the porn industry is at an all time high (and statistically proven to be downloaded in many traditional American homes.) We say, “be kind to others” yet we fuss, fight, and argue our point until it turns into ugliness.

Yes, this generation has earned the right to distrust adults and to rebel. We are the ones that are suppose to create an environment of warmth and safety, yet we are to busy searching for the things that satisfy our heart’s desire to stop and see what they need. Yes, we give them what we think they need, but completely miss the mark when it comes to listening to what they need. I will be the first to confess that I fail in this area on a daily basis. I have a fourteen-year-old myself and although I identify with his feelings completely (because I was just like him at this age) I get frustrated when he doesn’t do what I expect of him. The hardest part for me, as a parent, is setting those boundaries that he fights against. He wants me to see him as an adult, and I want him to understand things as an adult. It doesn’t make for great communication when we try to articulate our point.

I know the consequences of “hands-off” parenting and although it seems so much easier to give in, I can’t allow myself to be tempted to do so. I also know the consequences of “bully-parenting” and the rebellion that comes from that. So where does that leave us? Is there really a middle ground? I believe so, but it starts with Christ being the head of the household. Yes, that is much easier said then done and must be a deliberate choice in our daily life.

Having Enough Faith to See the Impossible

Everywhere I turn this week, I hear the word “impossible”. It ranges from places in my casual conversation with a non-religious friend to my assignments in my Bible study. Questions deep within me have been forming about my true understanding of what impossibilities mean as they are regarded in my life.

If you look back to the days of Christ, miracles were done and people believed the impossible by seeing them preformed in front of their eyes. Today, those same miracles happen daily and they are presumed possible through the advancement of science. We hear story after story about people who should be dead but are not. There are books written, movies made, and testimonies told yet many still don’t believe.

So what needs to change? As we have morphed into a new society with great advancements and expectations we have to assume that God’s ability to make us see changes too. It is not Him who changes, for He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, but how we interact in His plan must change as we embrace the presence of new impossibilities.

We all have them in our life. Perhaps the impossible is the need of a medical cure, financial freedom, healing in a marriage, a job, or possibly forgiveness of self or another. Some of the most common needs of a miracle these days stem in the impossible act of being set free from an addiction. Whatever the case, a pure understanding of what God can and will do is needed in order to see the impossible become possible. He has a purpose in everything so what if the hardship we face is to get us to a place that we see Him in our situation?

So what does my impossible look like? It looks like cleaning out years of compulsive buying. It looks like letting go of things that numbed my emotions in the adverse effort to have some sort of control in my life. It looks likes a need to start an exercise program for the first time in my life. It looks like learning to cook for my family instead of eating ready-made meals. It looks like creating a schedule that forms practical self-boundaries to help keep me motivated when the hormones kick in each month and depression seeks to destroy all that God has brought me through.

I have felt in the past that if I could fill my every moment with appointments, errands, and a willful spirit I could outrun the need to do the work required to really move forward. I have also allowed myself to think that I am not worthy of such accomplishments because those around me doubt my ability. But in reality, aren’t those the ones that God is known to use? Doesn’t He typically choose the weak to show His strength? Doesn’t the desperate learn their need for Him much greater then those who rely on their own?

So my next question is, what is your impossible and what are you going to do about it? Are you going to see the purpose of it in your life and face it head on or are you going to accept the world’s vision of it and stop where you are? I encourage you to see...to see that we have a God that creates impossible circumstances so that we can encounter His power through witnessing the impossible become possible.