Screaming to be Heard, but Scared Someone Might Listen

I sit here at the computer with shaking hands and tear streaked checks pleading with God to choose someone else to be the martyr for this generation. The pain that accompanies such vision feels almost unbearable at times.

If I back up just a bit, I can explain where this waterfall of emotion started. I went to a class that is based on parenting issues and we were asked to describe our children in one word. WOW, was that a hard thing to do…and most people could not. Many felt the need to explain and describe in detail why they thought that word fit their offspring (especially if it was negative). But one word stuck out to me. No matter how much additional things I try to think about, it keeps creeping into my line of sight. It was the concept of “entitlement”. A woman spoke it about her older teenager’s personality and many parents in the room shook their head in agreement when she approached this subject.

Immediately, I secretly became very defensive and almost judgmental. That particular word has been used very often in my personal battles with others in my life and I feel that a misunderstanding in guaranteed when such presumptions are made. The idea is that this generation’s motivation is based on a sense that they are owed something. But I do not view them with that perspective and if there are times when that feeling erupts, then perhaps it is fully justified.

Look at the world around. Look at the varying degrees in morals they are taught. The media, billboards, sitcoms…that alone will confuse the expectations of anyone who is trying to figure out who they are. But then add the conflicting messages that we, as influential adults, add into their personal world. We say, “be honest”, yet it is typical to cheat on taxes or download a friend’s CD. We say, “be careful what you put into your mind” yet we watch things like Desperate Housewives, How I met your Mother, and Hangover. We say, “say no to drugs”, yet we pop a pill for every kind of issue and have a beer in most social outings. We say, “don’t have sex”, yet the porn industry is at an all time high (and statistically proven to be downloaded in many traditional American homes.) We say, “be kind to others” yet we fuss, fight, and argue our point until it turns into ugliness.

Yes, this generation has earned the right to distrust adults and to rebel. We are the ones that are suppose to create an environment of warmth and safety, yet we are to busy searching for the things that satisfy our heart’s desire to stop and see what they need. Yes, we give them what we think they need, but completely miss the mark when it comes to listening to what they need. I will be the first to confess that I fail in this area on a daily basis. I have a fourteen-year-old myself and although I identify with his feelings completely (because I was just like him at this age) I get frustrated when he doesn’t do what I expect of him. The hardest part for me, as a parent, is setting those boundaries that he fights against. He wants me to see him as an adult, and I want him to understand things as an adult. It doesn’t make for great communication when we try to articulate our point.

I know the consequences of “hands-off” parenting and although it seems so much easier to give in, I can’t allow myself to be tempted to do so. I also know the consequences of “bully-parenting” and the rebellion that comes from that. So where does that leave us? Is there really a middle ground? I believe so, but it starts with Christ being the head of the household. Yes, that is much easier said then done and must be a deliberate choice in our daily life.