Today is A New Day

I know it has been a while since I have written. Perhaps it was because God has had me in a very vulnerable place and I just wasn’t ready to share yet. But He has been preparing me to get out of the boat and to trust that what follows is His will so here I am…

As I have made certain observations, I have realized that there is a fine line between the broken and the healed. Obedience is the balance that keeps from falling off one side to other. I have witnessed the lives of those around me and have embraced the idea that I could have made very similar choices if I had been put in their position, which leaves no room for judgment. As a matter of fact, where perhaps one may think, “how did they get there?” I think, “Oh God, I understand how they got there and am so thankful I have learned dependence (on you) when it did”.

In that, my prayer has been that I can become confident in whatever purpose God has for me. If it’s being the link between the broken and the healed, then give me wisdom to move towards those opportunities. If it’s exposing the pain in my past to help another see that God can override any heartache, then give me the words to do so. If it’s just being available to a wounded heart, then open up those relationships. Whatever it is, please help me to grow into it.

Sometimes I look at where I once was and where I am now and think that no one can possibly understand the depths of that transformation. The dark days seem almost unbearable to remember now and the Spiritual highs are equally hard to process. But I think that God wants me to hang onto those memories to give reality and encouragement to others and myself. I sometimes still question His timing. Just as I struggled with the need to have “all my ducks” in order before allowing forgiveness to penetrate my heart fully, I also struggle with needing to feel a “bit more perfected” before I believe God will use me in such capacities. But both are impossibilities that only God can make possible. It is only through stepping out in faith can we fully grow into what we hope to be. It is in that position of obedience through faith can we move beyond ourselves because it is only when we die to self do we fully gain the power He offers to all.

So to all those sweet souls who have asked, “what are you doing now?”... now that I have graduated and my youngest started school… I boldly say, “I am waiting on the Lord.” I am working through thirty years of bad habits, protective instincts, and false highs that momentarily helped me cover up my pain. I am learning to trust in people without any expectation in return. I am gaining the confidence to step out of my comfort zone to obediently walk where fear has kept me from walking in the past. And in the end, I know that my career will collide with my passion and purpose. God’s timing is perfect and His promises are true. I trust that when that door is open, I will not only recognize it but I will be equipped to handle it a little at a time. That just seems to be how He works on me…one day at a time.