Well what can I say? I have been a bit stuck. It is strange to me that satan can manipulate me to fear even the possibility of being disobedient when He knows that my greatest desire is to only walk where God leads. It is much easier to write when I know that the only people who have the ability to access it know me and where my writing comes from. But once I begin to share, I allowed insecurity to creep in and the prospect of being vulnerable to those who may read it seemed small compared to the fear that was born from the anticipation of those who may not.
So once again, I am pulling up my anchor and handing it God. Last night I realized that even if I am not 100% sure what God is asking of me, I have been prompted to write. I also know that God sees my heart and the intention to be obedient at all cost so I am confident that He will bless the situation even if I am unaware of it. So, for those few that have seen my written words, please know they are not just thoughts that come into my head that I want validated on a page, but a learned lesson, that perhaps I need to be reminded of as I prayerfully listen to the Spirit.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
A new understanding
Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt completely alone? If you haven’t, you are one of the few. I have spent the last five weeks watching people layout their emotions for psychology students to study. There was everything from manic depression and sexual dysfunction to ADHD and Alzheimer’s (not to mention the 100’s in between). The common thread that I noted case after case was loneliness. Their feelings were not just a sense of solitude, but a lack of true connection. I think this description is something that we all feel from time to time. Even if a loving and accepting pool of family and friends surrounds us, there are probably moments of isolation. If we were created to have an innate desire to be apart of something, wouldn’t it be logical to feel unsatisfied if we, on an individual level, didn’t seek our designer to find our intended purpose.
I recently watched the Louie Giglio DVDs called Indescribable. I have to say that my initial reaction was one of awe, but strangely cradled in feelings of insignificance. I mean He had never felt so far away. Even in my times of disobedience or depression, I knew He was in close proximity even if I felt unworthy to call out His name. This new feeling was something altogether different. He felt distant and aloof. My knowledge of Him told me that I was wrong, but I couldn’t help but feel a little gullible for always seeing, complaining, praising, and living in “my moment”. My life revolved around my situation and those within my circle. So I did what I usually do after a few days of “distance”…I hashed it out with Him personally. It started out with a couple of questions, which ultimately ended in more questions. But as I remained steady in His word and had an open dialogue with my accountability partner, I realized that for the first time ever, I was sitting in the only place that would satisfy that longing which I didn’t really understand. I knew that this “something” was bigger then my family, my neighborhood, my children’s PTA, and even my church. I was apart of God’s divine plan as it relates to eternity AND SO ARE YOU. I had heard those very same words before…but now I owned them.
We do not exist for the sake of existing. For God to be holy and just, He must pour out judgment when He returns. However, the maker became the sacrifice needed to redeem the stained and we are the beneficiaries of grace. But in order to receive that gift it has to be accepted right? That’s where our “part” comes in. But so many of us miss that calling. We see the temporal and not the everlasting. We see our situation and not the importance of each encounter we have as well as those we could miss. God doesn’t randomly pass out gifts that display His favorites; He diligently matches each purpose and gift to interact with those we meet on our journey so we can play an active role in His design which was planned out before creation came into being.
If you see our journey as one domino falling onto another, working together from one generation to the next, it is easy to see why we are created with such a need to be “apart” of something. The only catch is, not just any something will do. It is a specific something that comes from supernatural powers.
I recently watched the Louie Giglio DVDs called Indescribable. I have to say that my initial reaction was one of awe, but strangely cradled in feelings of insignificance. I mean He had never felt so far away. Even in my times of disobedience or depression, I knew He was in close proximity even if I felt unworthy to call out His name. This new feeling was something altogether different. He felt distant and aloof. My knowledge of Him told me that I was wrong, but I couldn’t help but feel a little gullible for always seeing, complaining, praising, and living in “my moment”. My life revolved around my situation and those within my circle. So I did what I usually do after a few days of “distance”…I hashed it out with Him personally. It started out with a couple of questions, which ultimately ended in more questions. But as I remained steady in His word and had an open dialogue with my accountability partner, I realized that for the first time ever, I was sitting in the only place that would satisfy that longing which I didn’t really understand. I knew that this “something” was bigger then my family, my neighborhood, my children’s PTA, and even my church. I was apart of God’s divine plan as it relates to eternity AND SO ARE YOU. I had heard those very same words before…but now I owned them.
We do not exist for the sake of existing. For God to be holy and just, He must pour out judgment when He returns. However, the maker became the sacrifice needed to redeem the stained and we are the beneficiaries of grace. But in order to receive that gift it has to be accepted right? That’s where our “part” comes in. But so many of us miss that calling. We see the temporal and not the everlasting. We see our situation and not the importance of each encounter we have as well as those we could miss. God doesn’t randomly pass out gifts that display His favorites; He diligently matches each purpose and gift to interact with those we meet on our journey so we can play an active role in His design which was planned out before creation came into being.
If you see our journey as one domino falling onto another, working together from one generation to the next, it is easy to see why we are created with such a need to be “apart” of something. The only catch is, not just any something will do. It is a specific something that comes from supernatural powers.
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