Just hanging in there isn’t enough anymore

Today as talking to a close friend, this word picture entered my thought. I saw a high wire rope in the air, me positioned in the middle, and God’s hand reaching from above holding onto my outstretched arm. Then down below I saw the Valley of Despair on my left and the Valley of Self-Righteousness on my right. This picture pretty much sums up life as I know it. Every time I take back a part of me that I have previously surrendered, it’s like I have just let go of the pole that keeps me balanced and the chance of me falling greatly increases. If by some chance, I am able to steady myself for a few seconds, I usually find that I take my eyes off of Him long enough to look down, which always results in fear and the inability to move forward. Thankfully, He never leaves His stance so I am able to get back up and start over if in fact I do fall, but it is never without acquiring additional bumps and bruises.

This tangible reminder helps me see that I need to deliberately seek His presence in order to remain steady. It may seem like we are moving incredibly slow at times, but I am certain that the speed is for my benefit and not His.

Resting in a place of humbleness…

without falling off into the pit of worthlessness. That seems to be the trick that many of us desire to obtain. Ever wonder why Christ seemed so backwards? He sought out the weak to lead the strong. He forgave the outcasts and questioned the religious. He ate and drank with the sick and walked away from the rich. He asked those who followed Him to leave everything for His sake. He saved a world that rejected Him…so why is it so hard to believe that He uses those who feel the most unlikely to anoint? Is it to show the world that any greatness they accomplish would be more accepted as a miracle then if it were through someone more predictable? Possibly. But I think the true answer lies in the person’s heart. Most of the weak know they are weak. They learn to adapt with a broken wing. But when Christ comes into their life (and complete authority is handed to Him) there is an understanding that cannot be undone. In other words, there is no question to whom they credit this inner transformation. That person’s heart is linked to His in a way that many choose not to experience. And in that place, they know that God's plan surpasses any fear to move beyond their capacity alone.

Weathering the Storm...

It’s funny how God works sometimes. It never really seems to be the way “I would do it”. There is so many that walk through a storm only to be hit with another before they had time to catch their breath. As an outsider, one may think, “now come on…isn’t enough a enough?” But the issue is not really about how often or even how big the storm is; It’s actually about the one who has ultimate control over the seas.

As I was talking to Him today, I allowed myself to ask some pretty big questions. He is our Father and it pleases Him to be invited into every part of our life…even the parts that we would just assume not have. Just as I begin to ask Him if my upcoming season involved more then I was ready for, I heard the song “Praise you in the Storm” by Casting Crowns. The lyric go like this:

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills

I have heard that song many times. But something fresh fell on my heart. I felt like He was saying, “Do I not hold the same power as I did when I held the weight of the world? Would I really allow you to go through something alone? Only in faith will you receive what I accomplished in death…please don't question my plan. Just be still and know...”

My prayer today:

Lord,
Thank you for who you are. Thank you for the cool weather and the rain. Thank you for the butterflies that remind me of new beginnings. Thank you for music that lifts the soul. Thank you for best friends that encourage. Thank you for giving strength when mine runs out. Thank you for seeing more in me then I could ever see. Thank you for your unconditional love!

I ask that you give comfort to the weary and peace to the hurting. I pray for all those secret prayers among us.

Forever in your grace,
A.-

Emotions...got to love em'

If our creator created us to glorify Him, wouldn't it make sense that He would create us with a guaranteed need to seek Him? He did, in fact, give life that included free will because there cannot be real love without it. However, we also have a missing part within us that only He can fill. I have heard it described as a “vacuum style whole within our soul”. Why is this a necessary part of our journey here on earth?

As history has shown us, we, as the human race, have a real problem with pride. We like to take credit for things that He has given, fuss over giving onto others when it is by His gifts that we receive, and blame Him when things don’t go our way without acknowledging that it is by His grace that we don’t get what we deserve. So it is for our benefit that He gave us a desire to yearn for more. Many people try to fill this void with all kinds of pleasures. Some of these things may even be positive or well intended, but the truth is, nothing can fill that place that is left empty except Him.

The trick is learning how to totally depend on something that is not tangible in “this realm”. It is moving beyond what is logical and dancing on the side of spiritual faith. Once one fully accepts Him and all that He offers, it is a daily battle to stay there. I also believe this was set up from the beginning. His plan was not set in motion for us as an individual, but as part of the entire redemptive process. How easy would it be for us to stay within our own little world of content satisfaction and completely disregard other people still searching for the ultimate fulfillment if we never experienced seasons of silence? From someone who has experienced a bit of that overwhelming joy and peace before, I would say, “pretty easily”. Sure, there is a love and compassion for reaching the need of His people, but there is also a large disconnect. I predict that an extended amount of time in that high spot, we would eventually drift away from all things left undone to stay right there as long as we could. There may even be a natural separation in the “healed” and “unhealed” because one may forget how to relate to the other. Add those prideful tendencies and we have an unfinished plan without the proper means to see it executed in its perfection.

So given the reason for the need to pass through certain stages within the spiritual life, how do we handle those times of silence, second-guessing, and fear? My hunch is that we will never have a specific answer on this matter except to publicly confess God worthiness and to have continued faith in His word when everything in the physical realm speaks to the contrary. If it is possible to abandon our emotions long enough to rely strictly on obedience, then He will use that particular “low” in ways that we cannot imagine. There is no easy formula or quick fix in making the storm pass faster, only the comfort in knowing that discipline will give you what you need to endure it.

The Refining Process

All of us have humanistic instincts that pull us away from God. This “handicap”, which is what I affectionately call mine, could take the shape of an addiction, pride, anger, independence, self-pity…and so forth. But God promises to turn what is sinful and ugly into beautiful and whole. Why does He do this when many of us have learned how to “cope”? If the point is to become Christians, why is it necessary to change once we cross over?

One answer may be that God is not satisfied with us just being okay. He loves us too much to leave us that way. His plan was that we live a life full of joy and peace. This peace is not determined by our circumstance or situation, but by knowing that we have a purpose and only in Christ can that purpose be revealed. We cannot predict how that plan will come forth. Personally speaking, I feel that mine is being formed out of my failures. I am not saying that God caused the circumstances for my fall, but in that “face down” position, I was open to accept His grace in FULL, where I might not of otherwise done.

If that seems like a foreign concept, you are not alone. As a childhood Christian, I physically grew but stayed a spiritual infant. I had no idea how to let go of natural desires and “auto-pilot” instincts. But I am learning that the more I focus on Him and His word, the more strength I have to fight off those urges. And as I witness my own transformation slowly take place, my confidence in believing what is unseen strengthens me enough to take my next step in faith. It is often a painful process, but it is well worth every tear.

Okay, now that the shock of doing this has worn off a bit, I thought I would tell you why I titled it One More Round. I was personally inspired by the song called One More Round by the Barlow Girls. It is basically a description of how life sometimes beats us down and how God's power can help pull us back up.

My life has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have sat in the valley, fallen into pits, climbed up the slopes, and perched on the peaks. Some of my pain came from my own disobedience and some from the consequence of living in a fallen world. But the last eight months have been nothing short of God's guiding hand pushing me to be as He created me to be and not as I saw myself. I have had moments of unmistakable joy and unexpected sorrow...but I would not take any of them back for an instant. I now understand what it means to go from one glory to another glory. There cannot be growth without change and there usually cannot be change without trusting God through the unseen journey.

So, my hope is that this is a place that allows you to not only give a voice to your situation, but to glorify your Father in the process and hopefully find some encouragement in the meantime.

Start of a New Day...

My Dearest Friends,
I am now starting the one thing I said I would never do...a blog. I have resisted, argued, and cried over this and have finally surrendered to the call. A have no expectations going into this adventure, but I do have a few fears. I will however give God 100% praise either way.

I feel that I have little to offer and much to gain through this obedience. Any advise, comments, or prayers will be much appreciated.

Thanks for supporting me and I hope you are blessed in some way.

Standing in His grace, Andria