I have read so many wonderful daily post about what people are thankful for this November that it has inspired me to make my own list. Of course I am thankful for family, friends, military, church, and so forth but I needed a break from swimming in the deep end of self thought so I'm going to paddle over to the shallow end for a minute just to give me the opportunity to recognize the little things in my life that I often over look.
30. when my husband's sport team wins
29. GPS
28. feather boas
27. Tylenol PM
26. DVD player in car
25. credit card
24. winter boots
23. funny facebook posts
22. hair band
21. chips & salsa
20. sweat shirts
19. windshield wipers
18. crayons
17. push-up bra
16. microwave
15. my cat
14. books on CD
13. loud stereo
12. fireplace
11. fly swatter
10. “pet stain” cleaner
9. camera
8. great tattoo artist
7. Tide
6. the teens in my life
5. changing seasons
4. tears
3. Wednesday morning walks
2. deodorant
1. The fact that I'm not in control But I have a pretty close relationship with the One who is...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
How Does A Broken Heart Heal?
If someone who is suppose to love unconditionally, puts limits on that love, is it real? Once a line has been drawn and crossed, can you go back? Can the heart mend itself enough to trust again or is it changed forever? If that particular person has been abandoned over and over again, how can she trust in anyone? Does her heart get hardened to life in general or can she choose to be vulnerable to the unseen? When is it just to much? To much to walk through...to much to bear... to much to hope for something that could possibly destroy her if it didn't come to pass?
I don't know....but I know who does. I have to lean on Him to find the truths I seek and allow that “mustard seed” of faith to take root and grow. This is not a choice. This is desperation. This is the will fighting against years of instincts as I put one foot in front of the other and allow this test to come, whatever the outcome may bring. Let it come....and I will praise You with every last breath I have until the very end.
I don't know....but I know who does. I have to lean on Him to find the truths I seek and allow that “mustard seed” of faith to take root and grow. This is not a choice. This is desperation. This is the will fighting against years of instincts as I put one foot in front of the other and allow this test to come, whatever the outcome may bring. Let it come....and I will praise You with every last breath I have until the very end.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Bright Eyes
There are many ways one can look at a difficult season. But for a Christian, the ways seem to get complicated based on their understanding of the situation and the perspective at which they view God.
I have recently been reading through Job again. When I was first prompted to go there, a healthy dose of fear dashed through my thoughts. Out of all the books in the Bible, and all the prophets that are spoken of, Job's journey is one that I would rather read about then experience myself. And as so often, I found similar identification in those who love the Lord with the devotion that expands throughout time with the desire to obtain those qualities myself. However, I wanted to keep a safe distance away from the story line as a precaution to what I might truly see just in case He was showing me something I didn't feel strong enough to accept. With that said,today I stopped and opened my heart to whatever God had for me and I couldn't keep my focus off chapter nine, verse 32. As Job was finally at the point of complete and utter devastation, he cries back the defense of not declaring his frustration and remorse in front of God by saying,
He is not a man like me that I might answer him,
that we might confront each other in court.
If only there was someone to arbitrate between us,
to lay his hand upon us both,
someone to remove God's rod from me,
so that His terror would frighten me no more.
Then I would speak up without fear of Him,
But as it now stands with me, I cannot.
To back the story up, we must acknowledge that Job is described as being “blameless and upright , fearing God and shunning evil” (chap. 1 vs. 1). I believe that those characteristics must go hand and hand. As I observed the world in it's chaotic state, I notice there is no fear in people. We are a culture that does what we want when we want. I am floored every time I hear God's name used in vein. To simply say it in random expression or to vent it out in an emotion that is far from the honor and respect it deserves.
The second major connection that pulls at my heart is the wording in the above passage. He is directly exposing the need for a link that fills the gap between us and God. There was no possible way such a connection could be made except through His own making. I believe this is especially important to stop and think about since we are days away from Easter. Tomorrow is Good-Friday. The day that marks the surrender of Christ into the hands of the Jews to be the final sacrifice for all our sins. It is in that, and only that act that allows us to come in front of God with the confidence that a remorseful heart allows. We, unlike Job, have a man that intervenes on our behalf and it is in the equal balance of fear that keeps us from evil and humbleness in knowing it is only through Him, we have the right to be in His presence can we have the intimacy that He offers to all.
My dear children, I write this to you so that you WILL not sin.
But if anybody does sin,
we have One who speaks to the Father in our defense-
Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. - 1 John 2:1
I have recently been reading through Job again. When I was first prompted to go there, a healthy dose of fear dashed through my thoughts. Out of all the books in the Bible, and all the prophets that are spoken of, Job's journey is one that I would rather read about then experience myself. And as so often, I found similar identification in those who love the Lord with the devotion that expands throughout time with the desire to obtain those qualities myself. However, I wanted to keep a safe distance away from the story line as a precaution to what I might truly see just in case He was showing me something I didn't feel strong enough to accept. With that said,today I stopped and opened my heart to whatever God had for me and I couldn't keep my focus off chapter nine, verse 32. As Job was finally at the point of complete and utter devastation, he cries back the defense of not declaring his frustration and remorse in front of God by saying,
He is not a man like me that I might answer him,
that we might confront each other in court.
If only there was someone to arbitrate between us,
to lay his hand upon us both,
someone to remove God's rod from me,
so that His terror would frighten me no more.
Then I would speak up without fear of Him,
But as it now stands with me, I cannot.
To back the story up, we must acknowledge that Job is described as being “blameless and upright , fearing God and shunning evil” (chap. 1 vs. 1). I believe that those characteristics must go hand and hand. As I observed the world in it's chaotic state, I notice there is no fear in people. We are a culture that does what we want when we want. I am floored every time I hear God's name used in vein. To simply say it in random expression or to vent it out in an emotion that is far from the honor and respect it deserves.
The second major connection that pulls at my heart is the wording in the above passage. He is directly exposing the need for a link that fills the gap between us and God. There was no possible way such a connection could be made except through His own making. I believe this is especially important to stop and think about since we are days away from Easter. Tomorrow is Good-Friday. The day that marks the surrender of Christ into the hands of the Jews to be the final sacrifice for all our sins. It is in that, and only that act that allows us to come in front of God with the confidence that a remorseful heart allows. We, unlike Job, have a man that intervenes on our behalf and it is in the equal balance of fear that keeps us from evil and humbleness in knowing it is only through Him, we have the right to be in His presence can we have the intimacy that He offers to all.
My dear children, I write this to you so that you WILL not sin.
But if anybody does sin,
we have One who speaks to the Father in our defense-
Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. - 1 John 2:1
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Today is A New Day
I know it has been a while since I have written. Perhaps it was because God has had me in a very vulnerable place and I just wasn’t ready to share yet. But He has been preparing me to get out of the boat and to trust that what follows is His will so here I am…
As I have made certain observations, I have realized that there is a fine line between the broken and the healed. Obedience is the balance that keeps from falling off one side to other. I have witnessed the lives of those around me and have embraced the idea that I could have made very similar choices if I had been put in their position, which leaves no room for judgment. As a matter of fact, where perhaps one may think, “how did they get there?” I think, “Oh God, I understand how they got there and am so thankful I have learned dependence (on you) when it did”.
In that, my prayer has been that I can become confident in whatever purpose God has for me. If it’s being the link between the broken and the healed, then give me wisdom to move towards those opportunities. If it’s exposing the pain in my past to help another see that God can override any heartache, then give me the words to do so. If it’s just being available to a wounded heart, then open up those relationships. Whatever it is, please help me to grow into it.
Sometimes I look at where I once was and where I am now and think that no one can possibly understand the depths of that transformation. The dark days seem almost unbearable to remember now and the Spiritual highs are equally hard to process. But I think that God wants me to hang onto those memories to give reality and encouragement to others and myself. I sometimes still question His timing. Just as I struggled with the need to have “all my ducks” in order before allowing forgiveness to penetrate my heart fully, I also struggle with needing to feel a “bit more perfected” before I believe God will use me in such capacities. But both are impossibilities that only God can make possible. It is only through stepping out in faith can we fully grow into what we hope to be. It is in that position of obedience through faith can we move beyond ourselves because it is only when we die to self do we fully gain the power He offers to all.
So to all those sweet souls who have asked, “what are you doing now?”... now that I have graduated and my youngest started school… I boldly say, “I am waiting on the Lord.” I am working through thirty years of bad habits, protective instincts, and false highs that momentarily helped me cover up my pain. I am learning to trust in people without any expectation in return. I am gaining the confidence to step out of my comfort zone to obediently walk where fear has kept me from walking in the past. And in the end, I know that my career will collide with my passion and purpose. God’s timing is perfect and His promises are true. I trust that when that door is open, I will not only recognize it but I will be equipped to handle it a little at a time. That just seems to be how He works on me…one day at a time.
As I have made certain observations, I have realized that there is a fine line between the broken and the healed. Obedience is the balance that keeps from falling off one side to other. I have witnessed the lives of those around me and have embraced the idea that I could have made very similar choices if I had been put in their position, which leaves no room for judgment. As a matter of fact, where perhaps one may think, “how did they get there?” I think, “Oh God, I understand how they got there and am so thankful I have learned dependence (on you) when it did”.
In that, my prayer has been that I can become confident in whatever purpose God has for me. If it’s being the link between the broken and the healed, then give me wisdom to move towards those opportunities. If it’s exposing the pain in my past to help another see that God can override any heartache, then give me the words to do so. If it’s just being available to a wounded heart, then open up those relationships. Whatever it is, please help me to grow into it.
Sometimes I look at where I once was and where I am now and think that no one can possibly understand the depths of that transformation. The dark days seem almost unbearable to remember now and the Spiritual highs are equally hard to process. But I think that God wants me to hang onto those memories to give reality and encouragement to others and myself. I sometimes still question His timing. Just as I struggled with the need to have “all my ducks” in order before allowing forgiveness to penetrate my heart fully, I also struggle with needing to feel a “bit more perfected” before I believe God will use me in such capacities. But both are impossibilities that only God can make possible. It is only through stepping out in faith can we fully grow into what we hope to be. It is in that position of obedience through faith can we move beyond ourselves because it is only when we die to self do we fully gain the power He offers to all.
So to all those sweet souls who have asked, “what are you doing now?”... now that I have graduated and my youngest started school… I boldly say, “I am waiting on the Lord.” I am working through thirty years of bad habits, protective instincts, and false highs that momentarily helped me cover up my pain. I am learning to trust in people without any expectation in return. I am gaining the confidence to step out of my comfort zone to obediently walk where fear has kept me from walking in the past. And in the end, I know that my career will collide with my passion and purpose. God’s timing is perfect and His promises are true. I trust that when that door is open, I will not only recognize it but I will be equipped to handle it a little at a time. That just seems to be how He works on me…one day at a time.
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