Okay, I just did the craziest thing. Well, for me, crazy may not even begin to describe it because my natural tendencies would have been to laugh at such a concept, but my dependence on growth relies directly on my obedience to follow His footsteps ahead and I am quite confident they have lead me here. So no matter what happens from this second forward, I trust that I am here for a reason.
As some may already know, I wore the scarlet letter of disgrace as long as I can remember. This was often an unintentional excuse to remain tucked away in my isolation, which protected me from outside rejection and judgment only to find myself wrestling deeper insecurities that remained hidden within my own heart. As I struggled to be the best I could, I failed in every effort except in realizing that I was a child of God. Although I never felt worthy of His love, much less His purpose, I never questioned whether I was saved or not. God’s compassionate grace entered my heart at the young age of four and I have embraced the fact that He did so to sustain some sanity for years that lied ahead. My self-destructiveness would have crumbled under the strain of my pain if it were not for God’s quiet whispers of love that continued to redirect my wondering soul.
My journey has been one that I am oh so thankful for. I would never wish upon anyone the heartbreak that follows such a path, but I know it happens each and everyday. Pain and sorrow plagues our surroundings so often that it leaves a wake of questions that seem most unanswerable; but my hope is that you will see the truth that He freely offers and the side effect of obediently surrendering all that you are, including those places you wish to hide, to be used for His glory.
Loving Him and receiving His love in return is something I would have claimed came easily, but as these last few years have unfolded, I now understand that you can’t give what you don’t have and you can’t have what you don’t accept. I do not speak of salvation but sanctification. Sitting on this side of the surrenderence equation, I not only see the difference, but I know without a shadow of doubt that being with Him nowhere is better then being without Him anywhere and to my surprise, that nowhere is far better then my dreams could have imagined.
So without further ado, I entered myself a contest posted on Lysa TerKeurst’s web page at http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2010/03/she-speaks-scholarship-contest.html where three winners get a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference. This could be a weekend filled with opportunities to strengthen my understanding of the gifts God has given me to something more then I can embrace on my own. Whether my ministry plays out in my own backyard or a grander facility, I am handing over all my inhibitions to see the power that promises to glorify my Father. He has intimately pulled me from the depths of my own pit to allow me the honor to be apart of His plan and even if that scares the bajeebers out of me, how can I say anything but YES, oh yes?
***if interested in information regarding the She Speaks conference, click:
http://www.shespeaksconference.com/
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Holding the Hand that Holds the Universe
“Holding hands may seem an insignificant ‘secret’, but don’t underestimate the power of such a simple, profoundly intimate act. When you take your spouses’ hand you’re communicating, “I’m with you. We’re in this together. I want to be here.” It’s a simple practice in safeguarding your marriage as well, as you’re communicating to the rest of the world, “I’m with him.” (Don’t even try, suckers!)” -Excerpted from The Sexually Confident Wife blog, written by Shannon’s Events Manager, Terrica Smith
This particular passage got me thinking about the same intentional need to be aware of our individual relationship with Christ. Many people stroll through life with the well-intended understanding that they were created for God’s purpose and they offer up what they are when serve Him. But may I press upon you the need for relational intimacy with the Creator. Just as we can physically hold our partner’s hand, we can spiritually hold our Savior’s. He not only gives wisdom and strength to those who believe in Him, but He has the ability to submerge every part of soul into His presence when there is a consistent interaction with Him throughout our day.
It is not really about the “service” we partake in that matters because God is God, and He will accomplish His will with or without us. It is about the process that inspires utter devotion, which allows our desires to align with His. This is not created when we cry out during a storm, but in the quiet and calm moments when we choose to sacrifice that which we inadvertently place above Him. This action is what prompts our willingness to follow Him down what looks to be an impossible path. Whether we are blessed in our obedience or redirected when we are not, God’s plan prompts an open-heart to focus on Him and not the surrounding and ever changing circumstance.
We are powerless to sustain true devotion if our connection to Christ relies on our ability to be useful because it may be in our suffering that He chooses to use us. The perspective of acknowledging who God is must be founded in knowing that God is good ALL the time no matter what! Too many people fall away when they encounter that reality, which suggest that they let go of His hand and grabbed onto what their flesh felt. Whether it is desire or pain that entices such a response, the best defense is to grant God the position to fight the battle for you; for He has already won the battle against such temptation when He walked this earth.
This particular passage got me thinking about the same intentional need to be aware of our individual relationship with Christ. Many people stroll through life with the well-intended understanding that they were created for God’s purpose and they offer up what they are when serve Him. But may I press upon you the need for relational intimacy with the Creator. Just as we can physically hold our partner’s hand, we can spiritually hold our Savior’s. He not only gives wisdom and strength to those who believe in Him, but He has the ability to submerge every part of soul into His presence when there is a consistent interaction with Him throughout our day.
It is not really about the “service” we partake in that matters because God is God, and He will accomplish His will with or without us. It is about the process that inspires utter devotion, which allows our desires to align with His. This is not created when we cry out during a storm, but in the quiet and calm moments when we choose to sacrifice that which we inadvertently place above Him. This action is what prompts our willingness to follow Him down what looks to be an impossible path. Whether we are blessed in our obedience or redirected when we are not, God’s plan prompts an open-heart to focus on Him and not the surrounding and ever changing circumstance.
We are powerless to sustain true devotion if our connection to Christ relies on our ability to be useful because it may be in our suffering that He chooses to use us. The perspective of acknowledging who God is must be founded in knowing that God is good ALL the time no matter what! Too many people fall away when they encounter that reality, which suggest that they let go of His hand and grabbed onto what their flesh felt. Whether it is desire or pain that entices such a response, the best defense is to grant God the position to fight the battle for you; for He has already won the battle against such temptation when He walked this earth.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Quickening My Pace
Have you ever wondered why we sometimes feel like a failure when it comes to living a spirit-filled life? Have you ever jumped head first into a downward spiral of feeling completely useless after a particular experience? If so, you are fighting an unnecessary battle that God isn’t apart of. This feeling may come from our need to want to please God and when we fall short of that we allow ourselves to feel condemnation or shame. If this process is felt over and over it has the ability to set our mind on what we think instead of truth, which causes our heart to reject the love that God offers. In order to move forward from any type of failure, whether past or present, we must surrender it all to God. Especially those dark places we wish to hide from Him. Remember, only light can expose darkness for what it really is and the fear of being exposed is usually much greater then it really is in reality.
I often question whether I misinterpret some of my callings from God and therefore stand still instead of obeying. I finally realized that I tell myself that I do this not because I am scarred that He will fail me, but because I am worried that I might fail Him. I would literally say “Well, Lord…are you sure you got the right girl? Now remember all those times I messed up…don’t you want to go with someone who has a better track record?” not fully seeing my own disbelief in His ability to do the impossible. I mean, if in fact He knows the past, present, and future, how can I question what He can accomplish and whom He accomplishes it through?
For a moment, I felt this pressure to feel unworthy again. He has patiently walked hand and hand with me through so much this year; the thought of having unbelief in my heart again almost overwhelmed me. But I suddenly stopped and asked God to give me what I needed to see Him and His truth. It wasn’t instant, but the self-loathing lifted and I was able to see the intention of such negative thoughts. This in itself wasn’t such a new experience because I have seen and felt God’s unexpected peace many times before, but being able recognize the destructiveness early on was a relief. I decided right then and there that just because I have a thought doesn’t mean that I have the right to entertain it. We cause great harm to ourselves and our God-given purpose to serve when we let our insecurity dictate the speed of our steps.
As I understand the reasoning in walking this particular path, which mandates me moving forward only when I step out in faith, I pray for strength to have joy in the mist of waiting for your promise to come into completion. I also ask that you keep me from making any compromises along the way for nothing is worth the risk of missing your intended plan for me, not even one that is parallel.
I often question whether I misinterpret some of my callings from God and therefore stand still instead of obeying. I finally realized that I tell myself that I do this not because I am scarred that He will fail me, but because I am worried that I might fail Him. I would literally say “Well, Lord…are you sure you got the right girl? Now remember all those times I messed up…don’t you want to go with someone who has a better track record?” not fully seeing my own disbelief in His ability to do the impossible. I mean, if in fact He knows the past, present, and future, how can I question what He can accomplish and whom He accomplishes it through?
For a moment, I felt this pressure to feel unworthy again. He has patiently walked hand and hand with me through so much this year; the thought of having unbelief in my heart again almost overwhelmed me. But I suddenly stopped and asked God to give me what I needed to see Him and His truth. It wasn’t instant, but the self-loathing lifted and I was able to see the intention of such negative thoughts. This in itself wasn’t such a new experience because I have seen and felt God’s unexpected peace many times before, but being able recognize the destructiveness early on was a relief. I decided right then and there that just because I have a thought doesn’t mean that I have the right to entertain it. We cause great harm to ourselves and our God-given purpose to serve when we let our insecurity dictate the speed of our steps.
As I understand the reasoning in walking this particular path, which mandates me moving forward only when I step out in faith, I pray for strength to have joy in the mist of waiting for your promise to come into completion. I also ask that you keep me from making any compromises along the way for nothing is worth the risk of missing your intended plan for me, not even one that is parallel.
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