Okay, I just did the craziest thing. Well, for me, crazy may not even begin to describe it because my natural tendencies would have been to laugh at such a concept, but my dependence on growth relies directly on my obedience to follow His footsteps ahead and I am quite confident they have lead me here. So no matter what happens from this second forward, I trust that I am here for a reason.
As some may already know, I wore the scarlet letter of disgrace as long as I can remember. This was often an unintentional excuse to remain tucked away in my isolation, which protected me from outside rejection and judgment only to find myself wrestling deeper insecurities that remained hidden within my own heart. As I struggled to be the best I could, I failed in every effort except in realizing that I was a child of God. Although I never felt worthy of His love, much less His purpose, I never questioned whether I was saved or not. God’s compassionate grace entered my heart at the young age of four and I have embraced the fact that He did so to sustain some sanity for years that lied ahead. My self-destructiveness would have crumbled under the strain of my pain if it were not for God’s quiet whispers of love that continued to redirect my wondering soul.
My journey has been one that I am oh so thankful for. I would never wish upon anyone the heartbreak that follows such a path, but I know it happens each and everyday. Pain and sorrow plagues our surroundings so often that it leaves a wake of questions that seem most unanswerable; but my hope is that you will see the truth that He freely offers and the side effect of obediently surrendering all that you are, including those places you wish to hide, to be used for His glory.
Loving Him and receiving His love in return is something I would have claimed came easily, but as these last few years have unfolded, I now understand that you can’t give what you don’t have and you can’t have what you don’t accept. I do not speak of salvation but sanctification. Sitting on this side of the surrenderence equation, I not only see the difference, but I know without a shadow of doubt that being with Him nowhere is better then being without Him anywhere and to my surprise, that nowhere is far better then my dreams could have imagined.
So without further ado, I entered myself a contest posted on Lysa TerKeurst’s web page at http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/2010/03/she-speaks-scholarship-contest.html where three winners get a scholarship to the She Speaks Conference. This could be a weekend filled with opportunities to strengthen my understanding of the gifts God has given me to something more then I can embrace on my own. Whether my ministry plays out in my own backyard or a grander facility, I am handing over all my inhibitions to see the power that promises to glorify my Father. He has intimately pulled me from the depths of my own pit to allow me the honor to be apart of His plan and even if that scares the bajeebers out of me, how can I say anything but YES, oh yes?
***if interested in information regarding the She Speaks conference, click:
http://www.shespeaksconference.com/
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I am still so overwhelmingly grateful that God brought us together so many years ago now, and that He has fashioned our journeys to coincide together and weave together into this wonderful tapestry we call "The Climb". How could we indeed, say anything accept, "Yes, Lord, My life is completely yours to do whatever you want with!!"
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