Quickening My Pace

Have you ever wondered why we sometimes feel like a failure when it comes to living a spirit-filled life? Have you ever jumped head first into a downward spiral of feeling completely useless after a particular experience? If so, you are fighting an unnecessary battle that God isn’t apart of. This feeling may come from our need to want to please God and when we fall short of that we allow ourselves to feel condemnation or shame. If this process is felt over and over it has the ability to set our mind on what we think instead of truth, which causes our heart to reject the love that God offers. In order to move forward from any type of failure, whether past or present, we must surrender it all to God. Especially those dark places we wish to hide from Him. Remember, only light can expose darkness for what it really is and the fear of being exposed is usually much greater then it really is in reality.

I often question whether I misinterpret some of my callings from God and therefore stand still instead of obeying. I finally realized that I tell myself that I do this not because I am scarred that He will fail me, but because I am worried that I might fail Him. I would literally say “Well, Lord…are you sure you got the right girl? Now remember all those times I messed up…don’t you want to go with someone who has a better track record?” not fully seeing my own disbelief in His ability to do the impossible. I mean, if in fact He knows the past, present, and future, how can I question what He can accomplish and whom He accomplishes it through?
For a moment, I felt this pressure to feel unworthy again. He has patiently walked hand and hand with me through so much this year; the thought of having unbelief in my heart again almost overwhelmed me. But I suddenly stopped and asked God to give me what I needed to see Him and His truth. It wasn’t instant, but the self-loathing lifted and I was able to see the intention of such negative thoughts. This in itself wasn’t such a new experience because I have seen and felt God’s unexpected peace many times before, but being able recognize the destructiveness early on was a relief. I decided right then and there that just because I have a thought doesn’t mean that I have the right to entertain it. We cause great harm to ourselves and our God-given purpose to serve when we let our insecurity dictate the speed of our steps.

As I understand the reasoning in walking this particular path, which mandates me moving forward only when I step out in faith, I pray for strength to have joy in the mist of waiting for your promise to come into completion. I also ask that you keep me from making any compromises along the way for nothing is worth the risk of missing your intended plan for me, not even one that is parallel.