Comparison kills the Humble Heart

Have you ever been called into a situation that you knew was God directed but continued to fight the expectation of others? Perhaps looking from the outside in, things didn’t make sense. On paper, a left turn looks like the way to go but you know in your heart that God is calling you to go right. Then you obey and begin to question your ability because those around you seem to travel this road so easily. Their skills and "know how" seem to overpower yours by leaps and bounds.

Well that’s where I am today. I can get caught in the trap of wanting to stay comfortable. It’s not a new sensation really. I remember trying to play sports at a preteen, basketball to be more specific. Eighth grade, I tried out, not really having EVER played a sport, and made the B team. But I hated almost every minute of it. I felt exposed and unequipped to deliver a great performance. I looked at those who had played before or had natural talent and felt extremely discouraged by lack of immediate success. But instead of letting that emotion drive me to practice more, I allowed it to ignite insecurity. Looking back, I was probably an average player but because of my inability to see the greater picture of having fun and being a part of a team, I finished out the season and never played again.

God gives gifts to all His children. He doesn’t hand them out based on love or performance. He gives them to those who will recognize where they come from and will utilize them for His purpose. Sometimes those gifts are given at the start of one's spiritual journey and sometimes they are grown over time. But the best ones come when they are birthed out of a season of uncertainty. One where a step of faith was required before the next step appeared. It is both scary and exciting at the same time and the main difference between the two, preside in how focused we are on the One who supplies the strength needed to move forward.

I have always wanted to be a great singer. My heart loves to sing the praises of those much more poetic then I and I find great comfort in sorrowful lyrics. I have often asked God why He didn’t gift me with that ability. It seems like it would have made a world of difference in many realms of ministry if I could sing well. I often envy those I watch on stage and think “only if…what amazing things could I accomplish if I could do that…” Then I stop and realize that if I was meant to serve Him in that capacity, it would have been so. But that doesn’t stop me from stacking up my own gifts to those I see around me. Then today, I ran cross Psalms 118:14 which says, “The Lord is my strength and song”. I didn’t catch the phrase at first but when I went back over, God whispered to my soul, “Love, I am your song. I am your heart’s greatest desire. I am the all-encompassing thirst quencher. Don’t compare who you are, what you can do, or your gifts to anyone else. I made you perfect and will accomplish My will in you if you are reliant and confident in what I can do through you.”
I cannot express to you how it changed my outlook for the day. And I say the day because I know that I may struggle with this same concept tomorrow. His mercy is found fresh each day when I choose to spend time with Him daily. My natural insecurities don’t disappear once and for all when I have an awe-ha moment. It disappears when I come to Him with my concerns, comparisons, and complaints and lay them at His feet and say, “Lord, please use me. Help me see in me what you see. Let your approval be the only one I seek”.  

God's Plan Is Often Bigger Then Anything We Can Dream...

My God is so Big! He uses the most unqualified people to pull off the most magnificent visions. I mean, look through the Bible. Noah was a drunk, Abraham was old, Jacob was a liar, Joseph was abused, Moses stuttered, Gideon was afraid, Rahab was a prostitute, David had an affair and murdered a man, Jonah ran from God, Lazarus died, Peter denied Christ, and Paul...well he persecuted Christians! By earthly standards, these people would not have been picked as historical figures that would be studied and read about for generations to come. But God saw something deep within their heart. He knew that once His power collided with their willingness to follow, great things would happen.

I am in no way making a comparison between the above people and myself. I am only trying to lower my heartbeat as I type this by reminding myself that God is the ultimate qualifier. You see, something great is transpiring right in front of me and I have the privilege and honor to be a part of it. If you are reading this directly from my Facebook page, I cannot say how much I appreciate it. I assure you that even in obedience to write this, I find it difficult to be so open. But I have to do it anyway:) Those who know me, understand I take things slow. With every opportunity presented, path that appears, or redirection of thought, I must sift everything through prayer and God's Word. I can almost come across things defensively with a sound of opposition until God gives me the clarification of what I need to move forward in confirmation.

So that brings me to the point where I start to explain my involvement in this ministry. I had traveled in many of the same circles as Alisha, the woman who's vision this belongs to, but we never really talked. We worked in the same ministry at church but she came as I was leaving and vice versa when God called me back. This immediately told me we had much in common but we had never had a single private conversation about anything. To my knowledge, neither one of us had heard the other's testimony in many of times each of us had given it and life moved on as normal. Fast forward many seasons later, a close and precious friend of mine suggested I do a Bible Study with her at her friend's house. I hadn't even given it much thought but when my friend added me to a private group for the ladies in the study, I suppose it took us both by surprise because Alisha messaged me to explain more about it and what was expected of it's participants. This wasn't an ordinary study but one that offered many volunteer opportunities at Gatehouse and several other abuse centers in the area. I spent the next 24hours praying about it. I had asked to meet her for coffee before telling her my thoughts. I was not prepared for what she laid before me. After polite conversation and each sharing some of our background history, she pulled out her notebook and showed me her heart. She had scriptures, prayers, drawings, and private thoughts that she nervously thumbed through. She said the book and the dreams inside were not something she openly shared but wanted me to see her passion. I was humbled beyond words and confidently said, I had no idea what God had in store but my inner being felt it was something big. At that very moment, her vision was just that. A conceptual dream that God had showed her as young girl.

I started the study and the passion and excitement that these young women expressed was something different then anything I had experienced. I have been in Bible Study for many years and I was always one of the youngest in the group. This was much the opposite and I wasn't quite sure how to feel. But I soon saw the love and longing to dive deep in each of their hearts. Their stories and testimonies touched part of my soul each and every week. They were wise, transparent, vulnerable, supportive, and encouraging to not only each other, but towards me; the outsider coming in. I could feel and see that God was prompting me to set up a meeting between an acquaintance of mine that I met in the passing through another sweet friend and Alisha. It was an odd situation because I had never once experienced any prompting so strong. True to form, it took me several weeks of prayer to find the courage to tell Alisha and a few more days to write Shawna an email. I clearly explained that I didn't know why, but they needed to meet. At that point, I felt just like the tool of introduction and had no expectation of being apart of what may or may not unfold. But God had something different in mind...

I would absolutely love to have the other ladies explain what has transpired since that initial meeting. But since it's really Alisha's story to tell, I will just say that through the love and guidance Shauna has offered her and the placement of several other key people God has put on our path, the vision has become so much more then a dream. Hours of prayer, planning, discussion, and layouts have taken place since then. All the legal commitments have been filed and approved, our first fundraiser is scheduled for October, and I truly believe the hearts of our volunteers are being prepared (even if they are unaware of it yet).

Restored and Renewed is a ministry that provides resources, biblical education, workshops, encouragement, and support to abused women and their families. We hope to one day soon have a housing facility to help make that transition for those stuck in their situation of despair and entrapment to one of freedom and self sufficiency. This is a non profit organization that relies on donations and connections throughout the community. We have a special opportunity to rally together to create something that has never been done. It is only through the Biblical healing of Christ that allows lifelong substantial changes in one life. Please pray about being a volunteer or partner.