My Father,
As I am in the mist of chaos I seem to be consumed with dull absence of that “on fire” confidence. I see you everywhere I turn. I am hunted by the days that my body shook from your overwhelming presence within and I find myself expressing emotional tears for no apparent reason. I was able to abandon all my present insecurities last night as I wholeheartedly raised my hands in worship at the concert but today I awakened with the fears that have dictated my last few weeks.
What has happened? Why the change? I am carrying on my same interactions with you of prayer, reading Your Word, and speaking forth Your Name by expressing my gratitude for freeing me from the bonds that held me for so many years…but something is missing. I am easily aggravated, hurt, and somewhat judgmental to those closes to me.
I find myself at a new crossroad that seems somewhat familiar. I know I haven’t been here before but I feel as if I already know the path to take. How can that be when I am struggling to understand the meaning of the crossroad?
Last week I found myself in a situation that I am still trying to wrap my mind around as a beautiful soul within my circle wrestled aloud her struggles in believing whether You are real or not. I am not sure I help and am almost convinced that I worsened the conversation by speaking out when perhaps silence may have been better suited. Another loving women asked foundational questions which seemed to focus on the issue at hand and not where I drew the conversation. Although I have this nagging impression that You prompted my words, I am second guessing whether I am ready to be put in such situations when I so apparently am struggling with obediences of my own.
You know my heart. You know my only desire in to draw others closer to You, not further. Please give me guidance. Please ease my wondering spirit. Please help me encourage those who have shown such love and patience towards me these past few years and are now hurting. Forgive me for any hindrances I have unknowingly caused and show me where to go to find what I long for.
I give all of myself to You. Please help me surrender those parts which I cannot let go of…
Forever your redeemed Bride,
a.
No comments:
Post a Comment