Emotional Landmines

Sometimes we can be in a state of complete peace despite our surrounding circumstance. And then all of a sudden walk into a situation that takes our breath away. We react out of instinct and then chaos has irrupted before we even have the opportunity to grasp what happened.

What is that? The actual event wasn't really that big of a deal given what we have already walked through, and perhaps even conquered successfully. We think, "this should of been nothing...what made me react so sensitively? Why do I feel so defensive and misunderstood?"

So here's my take. God gives us seasons of peace and seasons of growth. He gives us rest as we reenergize and focus on Him. He allows us to fully engage in the Spirit and to engulf the all consuming power of assurance and confirmation that His promises endure over and above all else. And then there are times where He starts to press in and wants us to live out those promises by trusting Him past our emotional state. These moments can often come in waves. If we aren't ready, we can be taken by surprise. If you are wired like I am, this can be quite taxing. When I am in a place of complete vulnerability I have a certain level of expectation that I am going to be emotionally safe. My natural state of being is very guarded and it takes God's supernatural abilities and my obedient heart to tear down those walls each and every day. So in those moments when I am let down by someone, whether in behavior, response, or inaccurate judgment of me or those I care about, it feels much like I have stepped in a landmine and all sorts of responses are triggered. I am immediately caught off guard and probably not thinking rationally. This week, I responded with old reactive habits and became emotionally defensive. The fallout of it left feeling like I needed to retreat and the enemy was saying "see, I told you so. You shouldn't have opened up yourself. You walked right into that".

But here's the thing, the old me would of emotionally and physically pulled backed. I would of politely dismissed myself from those relationships and not looked back. BUT I DIDN'T. Because of the constant push and pull of my spiritual walk and the faith muscle God has been building in me over the last few years, I was able to come home, regroup with God, and wrestle through this issue with Him. Don't get me wrong, I have felt emotionally attacked not only by the enemy but by my own thoughts of insecurity and questions. I felt at times like I needed to explain or defend myself because let's face it...I still feel justified in my stance. But God is the ultimate defender and He is more concerned with a different kind of war, one I just won! I know the enemy would like nothing better then to see me walk away from the path God has set me on. And why wouldn't he? He has a lot to loose here if I press through these challenges. Not only in my world but in the lives of all those I have the potential to touch. But I'm not falling for it this time! I am laying down the sword and showing mercy.

So here, I surrender my pride and insecurity and ask God to help me start fresh. To continue to put myself out there and to trust that I don't need to go into situations defensively just because many in my past have let me down. I don't need to gain their approval but I don't need to expect that it will not be gained. It isn't about me, once again. It's about Him and what He is trying to mold me into. It's about how we are coming together for great purpose. That can only come when we when are willing to work as one unit fighting against one common enemy. I am done being a puppet to my emotions. They need to follow my lead, which is following HIM!