Grieving Makes the Heart More Tender

Have you ever heard some news that just threw you? You are not directly connected to it nor does it change your day to day activity but in a way, it has changed your perspective dramatically?

I have had three of these experiences that immediately come to mind. One was many years ago when I knew a couple who was trying to have their second child but due to health issues it proved to more difficult then most. For some reason, it affected me so much that I looked up information about becoming a surrogate. Of course, these thoughts were never discussed with anyone except my husband, but it just shows the depths of my hearts desire. I wanted them to have what they so deeply wanted because it literally grieved me to feel their pain. Then there was this other woman who was openly broken about her young son who is fighting for his life as he struggles with mental health issues. I watch and pray that God would supernaturally intervene and heal every area that was out balance. That He would give her strength and wisdom as to where to turn and how to proceed at each heart breaking step of this process. Then this week I learn of an impending marriage separation from a couple that I have grown to adore. I am left with so many questions to why without even wanting a real response. I suppose God has already revealed the purpose of trials and pain through my own heartache so why do I sit here and grieve over someone else's? I mean, it's not as if I do "life" with these people. Meaning, I don't know the ends and outs of their daily routine nor the back story behind their situation. We travel in the same circles and know the basis of what's going on in one another's life, but it stops there.

So again, I ask why does their pain affect me so? I have lots of friends that I see and talk to quite often that are going through difficult situations that I pray for, cry over, and mourn with. And then there's those prayer request you hear about and think, "oh God, please be with them in their time of need and quickly make a way here" but my thoughts eventually move on. But then there are those situations where you literally fall face down and weep for them without any confirmation of what's going on one way or another because you don't have any right to personally ask them about it. And even if you did (which I have tried in my most subtle ways) you don't hear anything back and then worry if you stepped over some invisible line by reaching out at all.

So why do I feel this way and why indeed have the need to write about it? As I type, I'm wrestling it out with God to give me concrete answers but at this point I don't feel certain with any of it. But I'm okay with that. I do see where their pain must of spoken to a part of my compassion at it's deepest level, or awoke an insecurity or fear that I fight with myself, or gave me a reason to open my eyes to see beyond my own circumstance into something outside myself. Whichever is the case, it has become another lesson in trusting God. I must rest in all the uncertainties of life while not isolating myself from opening up to those around me. Loving others, whether they know how we feel or not, is the most vulnerable act one can do. But isn't that what we are called to do? What if our intercessory prayer is sometimes suppose to be done on the sidelines cause after all, it's not about us, it's about Him. It's not whether we're rejected or accepted to be apart of their situation or not,  or whether we feel to much or little. It's about fully embracing the path which God has laid in front of you. It's about obediently lifting someone up and allowing God to hear our heart without any expectation that they fully understand what we're doing. Because just maybe, the change will be seen in the person staring back at us in the mirror just as much as it will be seen in the one we are praying for.