Sightings of the Rainbow

If this is what growth feels like, then I am in. I can say that I am being taken places that I could not have even imagined. I have held so much inside for so long that I completely lost myself. In hopes of not coming across harsh and needy, I apparently did the exact opposite. For fear of being misjudged or rejected I never let my true feelings known. Oddly enough, I messed up in the recent debut of letting them out, but they are out non-the-less. I feel cleansed for the first time ever. It was almost as if those feeling were toxins that charged the way to every other emotion I had and then exploded over issues that were not even related to the source of my pain. But now, I can feel the difference. I have let known the issues that have haunted and defined me so I can now truly forgive and move forward. I do however feel extremely guilty about the learning curve that took place in expressing them but hope that someday those involved will understand.

I would recommend not waiting twenty years to say what needs to be said because as the resentment and cover-up continues, so does the alteration in the relationship. And then when the delivery is forced and done incorrectly, hurt feelings all around are created. The clean up at this point seems impossible but I have faith that it can be rebuilt when the time is right. So to those who know what I am talking about, I say “thank you” and “I am sorry”. I realize we all do the best we can do but my journey is pushing me to move beyond my best into areas that require more. My love and acceptance for you is unconditional, I pray that yours is the same for me.